It is important to set standards because having high standards keeps a person at his or her “A game.” However, female students often set standards so high, that sometimes they pass over guys who aren’t too shabby.
I have heard girls discuss the things they would like from men and I have even heard them say that Howard guys lack what they want. I am sure the same is said at other campuses. I recall a chat with a friend from Hampton, where I said, “There are some cute guys at Hampton.” She replied, “Yes, but they are trouble,” showing the weariness of guys at her school as well.
I spent so many years obsessing over Marques Houston and living under my mother’s restrictions that I didn’t even think about guys. The only guys that I talked to high school were the ones that liked me. I can say that I have always been the kind of girl who would sit down and get to know a person first, sometimes looking past his appearance.
Pam Agava, a student at HowardUniversity explained what she has in mind to find her man.
“I don’t think I have specific physical traits so long as I think he is cute. I don’t prefer light skinned to dark skinned but, he must be tall 6ft at least. As for character traits, he must be intelligent, extroverted, funny but not goofy, observant, spiritual, and have a good family…like if he’s mama is crazy I would be concerned cause that could affect him in a lot of different ways.”
Andrea Freeman a student at TempleUniversity has compiled a thorough list.
“Race wise I would date a Black, Hispanic or Italian guy. He has to be taller than me; I just don’t like men shorter than me. I have to be attracted to him personally. Not everyone has to think that he is cute. He needs to have a clean look or if they like a certain look they need to keep it fresh. Cornrows or waves. Keep it neat. [Dressing style] needs to be on the edge of street but, mostly tasteful like button ups or sweaters. The white T thing is getting old.”
She adds, that her guy needs to, make her laugh, be sensitive, unselfish, be real with her and do not sugar coat the truth. Her ideal man is “artistic or creative, has a sense of organization or neatness, social enough to not be classified as a loner but not a Mr. Popular, and is open minded about new things and perspectives.”
She adds that “those are the main ones.”
“I think that I am not looking for ‘Mr. Perfect’ just someone who can become Mr. Perfect later on; so I think I would date some one who doesn’t meet my requirements as far as physical traits and some characteristic traits,” said Agava. She added that “he still has to be spiritual and needs to be educated.”
“There are things that I have to have and some I can live without but the more I date the more I want those qualities in one man all at the same time. I can live with a boring guy or a person who is a little messy but I won’t stand for an ignorant person that refuses to change let alone listen to someone else that is different.” Andrea said.
Maybe I am a different type of person, because I have never had standards so high that Howard guys or any others could not reach them. My mom has always told me what to stay away from- men that were in it to hurt me. Of course she wanted my significant other to have a job, but my mother was more focused on sending to me school so that I can be independent. I think the only thing I looked for in a man was just to have common interests.
However, the relationship that I am in is definitely not based on common interest because my boyfriend and I don’t like any of the same things. Fortunately, I have grown from this. I now know about things that I didn’t before and the same goes for him.
I never even thought about everything my man should be and never had standards set in stone. Everyone wants to be with a good looking person, but even I have talked to some not so gorgeous guys, maybe even down right ugly. Of course when I look back at some of the guys I have talked to I ask myself, “Why?” Not because of their looks, it was the fact that they did not treat me right.
I think that is what girls are trying to keep themselves from doing. They don’t want to have to ask themselves, “Why”? On the other hand, they do not want to be used and/or abused either
I think there are some things a girl should bear in mind when considering dating one of the guys on campus.
First of all freshman and sophomore year is not the ideal time to start a romantic relationships with a guy, because most guys are still trying to decide what they want.
Another thing is, do not be afraid to make the first move. Women have this idea that it is the man’s job to come up to them and make the first move. Some guys are actually nervous about talking to girls. Yet, you don’t have to be extreme when making your move. A simple “hello” may be all it takes.
Use your womanly intuition. If a guy seems shady, get away!
If you are going to use a list, make it a short and focus on the most important things. In one episode of the “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”, Hillary (Karen Parsons) did not want to continue a date that she was on because the guy had a huge Adam’s apple that disgusted her. I am not saying take it to that level but if a guy has some trait that you will not be able to deal with, then don’t.
I have gone through my share of losers (that’s how my friends put it), but after taking the chance to say hello my boyfriend, we have been together for a year and 3 months. We have almost nothing in common, but we have found things that we enjoy doing together like watching Law and Order: SVU and I can say that I am happy with him, even though he is a Howard Man.